Daddy, What Race Am I?

LONDON (Approaching his father who was reading on the couch in the front room.)
(Age 10)

L: Dad, what race am I?

D: What race are you? (I wasn’t sure if I was hearing the question right. It was an interesting question because we’ve just never thought certain subjects were worthy of discussion or pertinent to their education. Particularly race. As far as both Laurel and I are concerned race is not a topic. As long as the subject continues to be brought up, there will always be racism. So, we’ve never discussed it with the kids-—it’s just not important-—we’d rather the kids judge (or not judge) people using some other method.

L: Yes, what race am I?

D: Why do you ask?

L: Because I want to know. Please tell me.

D: Well, what race do you think you are?

L: You’re not going to tell me, are you?

D: Sure, I’ll tell you, but I want to know what you think first.

L: Okay. I’ve been reading an article in National Geographic.

D: What article?

L: About the origin of humans. Scientists think the first humans came out of Africa.

D: That’s probably true.

L: And Africans are black. So where did the white skinned people and the Asian people come from?

D: I don’t know. What did the article say?

L: It didn’t really talk too much about that. But, it said that the American Indians came from the Korean race and split into tribes and intermarried so different tribes would look different.

D: That’s probably true.

L: My friends at Tai Kwon Do asked me the other day if I’m Korean.

D: And, what did you say?

L: I told them I don’t know. Am I?

D: Well, your mother is part Cherokee, so I guess you could say that you probably do have Korean blood in you.

L: Is it okay if I tell them that I am Korean then?

D: If you want to, sure.” (I retrieved my magazine, thinking the matter was closed for now)

L: (A little hesitant. Then . . .) Do I look Korean?

D: (I put my magazine back down.) Well, your skin is tanned because you’ve lived in Hawaii all your life.

L: Yeah.

D: And, your eyes are almond shaped with heavy upper eye lids like me and your grandmother on my side. So, you probably look like your part Korean or part Asian of some kind.

L: But, what am I really?

D: I guess you’re a mixture of all kinds of things. Your grandfather is 100 per cent Jewish.

L: (He thought for a second) I think I know what race I am!

D: What?

L: Well, if all races originally came out of Africa that means I must be a Negro. (He smiled broadly as if he had finally discovered something.) That’s it! If anybody asks me what race I am, I’ll just tell them I’m a Negro. A black American. Mom! (he shouted running from the room.) I’m an African American!
(8/16/06)

The Kids Talk About Swearing

LONDON Reading over Daddy’s shoulder as he was
& KELLY editing at the swimming pool).
(Age 7 & 5)

L: (Laughing out loud.) That’s really a funny part.

D: Thank you. I’m glad you like it.

L: You’re a good writer. You know what I’m going to do? As soon as I finish reading Black Beauty I know what book I’m going to read.

D: What?

L: I’m going to read the book It Never Snows in Vietnam by My Daddy.

D: Well, I’m very flattered, London. But, I’m afraid you’re not old enough to read that book yet.

L: Why not?

(Kelly climbed out of the swimming pool and joined us.)

K: Yeah, why not?

D: Well, first of all because it has a lot of swear words in it.

K: What are swear words?

D: Those are naughty words you’re not supposed to say out loud.

L: Why not?

D: Because it’s not nice. It’s impolite.

L: I know some swear words.

D: You do? What are they?

L: I’m not supposed to say them.

D: That’s okay. You can say them this one time. (He looked a little leery.) You won’t get in trouble.

L: Okay. (Now whispering . . .) Shit.

D: Yes, that’s a swear word.

L: It means: poop.

D: That’s right.

L: I know another one, too. It’s really bad.

D: Go ahead and tell me.

L: Heck.

K: (Piping in) I know a swear word.

D: What is it?

K: Idiot.

D: That’s a good one.

K: I know another one, too. It’s really, really bad.

D: Alright, tell me.

K: (Whispering) Underwear.
(9/23/02)

I Wanna Rule the World

A music video to a song by 10cc.

Dancing Breakfast

The breakfast busts the groove

The Detectives ~ Join us . . .

You have arrived. This is the secret, hidden blog for The Detectives known only to their faithful fans.
Here, and only here, can you peek into their private lives.
Simply select the "SOUNDCLICK" icon above and the link will take you directly to their site. There, you can learn the history of this amazing group, hear their music and see what they look like. Tell your friends. Alert the world. Look out! THE DETECTIVES ARE COMING!

Wise Sayings ~ London, at age five.

LONDON: (Coming out of bathroom after examining himself in the mirror)

L: I need another glass of water because I have a bug in my nose.

D: You have a bug in you nose? Let me see.

L: You can’t see it. It’s too small to see it without a microscope.

D: That’s pretty small.

L: Yes it is. That why I need another glass of water. That’s so I can pee the bug out. Mommy tell me that. She said if you have a bug in your nose, drink lots of water and you can pee the bug out. So, can I have another glass of water?
01/31/00

Me and the Mrs. 

Wise Sayings ~ Kelly goes political at the age of 3

KELLY
Daddy:(After explaining the electoral process to his children) So,Kelly,when you grow up, I want you to run for President of the United States. Okay?

K: Yeah, but not too fast.

D: What?

K: Not too fast. I don’t want my legs to hurt.
01/15/00

IT NEVER SNOWS IN VIETNAM ~The Epilogue that was ultimately deleted from the final edition and never viewed by the public. (This is an exclusive.)

EPILOGUE

When I was young, my toys were not, but store-bought joys are soon forgot, and as I rocked in Jeffery's chair I sensed his loss and deep despair. Caught up in dreams of years long past that led to horrors none forecast, I see within my young mind’s eye my home, my mom and apple-pie.
With night clothes donned and head laid back I rocked to the dipsomaniac who crooned, “memories are made of this,”--these reveries, my nemesis. Sounds drift up from a room downstairs where plates of spite fly through the air and smash upon the floor of dreams where insects crawl and reign supreme.
When he was four or five, I think, when dad was young and mom wore pink, they went back East and left Jeff home, they said they’d write, they’d telephone. But, when my parent’s backs were turned, at Christmas time, that’s when they learned that Jeff was gone, flurried away by his real dad one winter’s day.
It was too late when they returned from ill-spent days, pointless sojourn, to stop the wheel’s that fate had spun, Jeff’s lonely life had just begun. Everything was spinning around, engulfing him, pulling him down. A little boy can’t understand why Mommy left her little man.
As I grew up I learned the truth, how Jeffery spent his damaged youth, standing by the road all day, looking off and far away. Everyday he took his stance and gave young life another chance. He waited patiently all day. He never left to sing or play.
Aunt Emma said when she drove by she stopped to ask my brother why he kept on looking up that hill. Why did he wait? Why this vigil? “I’m waiting for my mom,” he said. And, she could see his eyes were red. “I’m sure she’s bound to be here soon. I’ve been so good and cleaned my room.”
A little boy grew up, it seems, and spent his life exploring dreams with half his soul left in the snow, a gentle man no one will know. Whisked far off when he was young, Jeffery’s song was never sung--unless the discharge of a gun can take its place and count as one.
Snow now falls upon his grave and life no longer keeps him slave to memories he can’t erase--of open arms, but no embrace. Sleep my brother, don’t you cry or waste your spirit asking why warmth found you not nor touched your heart, but kept your mom and you apart.

--Benny Olstein

Wise Sayings ~ Kelly

KELLY: (To her mother after watching the doctor put drops in her mother’s eyes before examining them) Good job, Mommy. Thank you for not crying. Here’s a special treat for you. (And, she handed her mother a fruit loop from her snack bucket)
11/22/99

Wise Sayings ~ London

LONDON: (London had been in the bathroom a long time when all he really had to do was wipe his face before going to bed. His head was in the tiny sink and twisted so he could drink from the faucet.)

D: What are you doing?

L: I’m anking.

D: Anking? What does that mean?

L: That’s what I’m doing. I’m anking. That’s my word for it.
11/8/99

Wise Sayings ~ London was three, Kelly was two.

LONDON & KELLY: (London & Kelly were playing doctor. Something they do quite often. Here, they were arguing who was the most important doctor, though at the moment Kelly was lying down as the patient.)

K: I’m every doctor you’ve got.

L: I’m Infinity Doctor, get up passenger. (He meant to say patient).
10/21/99

Wise Sayings ~ Our little fellow, London

LONDON: (To Daddy on the phone while being tested on the meaning of the word “mourn” which he’d just learned to read.) If you really want something and somebody has it and if you really, really want it and you cry for it then you mourn for it.

D: Oh. That’s very good. So, if you had a dog.

L: Yeah?

D: And it died.

L: Yeah?

D: What would you do?

L: Bury him. Put him in a box and put a sign on him with his name on it.
9/17/99



LONDON: (To Mommy upon waking up.) I love you.

M: I love you, too.

L: I love you all the way to devon.

D: Devon? What’s devon.

L: The highest number.

D: You mean infinity.

L: I call it devon. That’s my word for it.
9/21/99

More Wise Sayings ~ This time from our little girl Kelly when she was two.

KELLY: (To Daddy while he was putting the beds down.) We haven’t gone to the moon yet. How come?

D: Who hasn’t gone to the moon yet? You mean us? You and me?

K: (She nods) Yes. Why? Why haven’t we gone to the moon yet? 8/31/99